Hey guys, so we’re back from our christmas holidays. Back to the grind. Except it isn’t a grind because I work in gradual steps and have been writing this article bit by bit throughout the break (Woooo). So this is long overdue, but here it is.
About a month ago, I wrote an article titled “6 ways to be a well-developed & attractive man“. On the surface it may have seemed like just another link-bait type article. An shallow and obvious list of things to do. “Be confident”, “smile”, “stay calm” etc … But essentially, it was a listing of attractive qualities and things to do to start displaying those qualities. I was trying to get you to display character traits that are indicative of a high value man; traits that women find attractive.
I wanted to steer away from more micro topics like body language and skill-sets. Because I feel that a holistic approach is the single best way to improve with women.
So we already know the qualities we must have. That’s the top of the chain. Today I’m going to go down that chain.
It’s a little technical and the concepts may sound a little obscure, but it’s well worth it because the fact that it’s obscure thinking means it’s not common, and you’ll have an edge over other men.
If every guy knows he must be confident, the playing field is level. You need something more. Think about it in this way and that’s why we start from the top and keep trying to build you up, by moving down (the chain). To start with the basics, and to build on that foundation slowly.
How to “learn” qualities
People always tell you, be confident, stay calm, stay unaffected etc … So these are great qualities to have. We know that. So what next. “Learning” and “assuming” these qualities, is a whole different ball game.
There a few ways to “learn” and to self develop. Today I want to talk about a specific way. It is quick, can be implemented almost immediately and is probably the closest thing to a “magic pill” that I can give you.
Most qualities like confidence, being calm etc … Aren’t qualities that stay constant. They fluctuate, much like moods fluctuate.
Some days we wake up more confident, some days less. Some days we feel like we could conquer the world and others, like everything is falling apart.
What we want to do, is to come up with 6 mantras, and corresponding actions that you do as you say that mantra. that induce certain mind sets that support and force us to develop the 6 good qualities we discussed in my first article. More importantly, they should be used as a “pick me up”, on those days that you aren’t feeling to good about yourself. We are going to play state-games to develop qualities.
Now you don’t have to come up with anything because I’ve already done it for you. So let’s get started.
Mantra / Mindset 1
“I don’t care what other people do, because I can’t control it”
1) Do not look around and observe other people. Force yourself to focus on what you are doing, and only that. You will feel like your eyes want to wander, but you must stop them. Generally speaking, the more socially threatening the situation is (club, bar, good looking people around, celebrities etc …), the more insecure you will feel and the more you will want to look around. But exercise some self control and stop yourself.
You’re not getting the girl, because all you’re thinking about, is the girl. Savvy?
2) Focus on what you are doing. And concentrate. The more you start to do what you do, the less interesting other people’s activities seem and the easier it gets to not look around.
How it works:
Doing these things, helps put you in the mindset that you don’t really care what other people are doing, and it eliminates jealousy, envy, insecurity, etc … It also puts you a class above the rest socially because people who don’t care, can’t be affected. And people who can’t be affected, give away no power. If you give away no power, no one can control you, and like I said in article numero uno, people fear what they cannot control.
What we are really trying to do here, is to prevent outward focusing. We want to silence all the white noise.
Mantra / Mindset 2
“I am the coolest guy here”
– Take pride in what you do. Every movement you make, every step you take. Every activity you engage in, everything you say and every thought you think. Own it.
– Imagine that everyone loves you and you are a star in your own right. Drive negative thoughts out of your head
How it works:
What we are trying to achieve here, is to drive ourselves right to the top of any social order in any social situation, by inward focusing.
Mantra / Mindset 3
“Confidence is the single most attractive quality”
Action (actually a thought in this case):
– Realise that thinking you are attractive is a self fulfilling prophecy. If you think you are attractive to women, you will be confident that you are good with women. And if you are confident, you will be attractive to women. Because confidence alone is attractive.
The problem here, is the paradox of the chicken or the egg. Which one comes first, confidence with women, or being attractive to women. On the surface, it seems like a paradox, but in fact, it isn’t. This is because, the skills required to be good with women, aren’t very difficult. They are things you can often do within 5 seconds on learning what you must do. Good eye contact, standing up straight speaking with authority. These “things” are actually by products of being confident. But, if you can manafacture these by-product by yourself, in the absence of confidence, you are essentially faking it. Most people espouse the powers of “faking it, till you make it”. I espouse something much more insane. I’m saying that given that these skills are so easy to learn and to do, they are often almost non-issues.
So let’s assume that almost every guy, can display confident behaviour, for at least 5 seconds. Given that, and as long as YOU BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU THAT CONFIDENCE IS THE SINGLE MOST ATTRACTIVE QUALITY, you should be confident that you will be attractive to women.
That confidence, will be attractive to women, and it will further boost your confidence and a vicious but positive cycle ensues. Confidence begets confidence and great confidence leads to great results with women.
You should be able to repeat the mantra above, slightly boost your confidence and even if you’ve never experience positive feelings from a woman in your entire life, as long as you believe what I am telling you, you should be able to be almost instantly decent with women.
I want you to realise that you can manufacture confidence out of thin air. This is so, because it is a specific type of confidence that we are talking about, that of being confident that you are attractive to a woman. All you have to do, is to have faith. Refer to my article on Self-Confidence and women, & how the sky is the Limit, it is a must read.
How it works:
What we are trying to do here, is to manufacture self-efficacy. Being confident that we are good with women, based on knowing that the actual skills involved are simple, and having faith that confidence itself is attractive.
Mantra / Mindset 4
“I am kind and warm”
2) Be friendly
3) Be kind, warm, but firm. (I put firm in there because sometimes people mistake kindness and warmth for being a pushover, this is incorrect.)
How it works:
This promotes two things. One for us, and one for you. For us, it promotes kindness and care, for which our company and blog strives to promote much as we can, our contribution to the good causes. It makes the world a better place.
For you, it promotes confidence and good development. Why? Because powerful and well developed people aren’t threatened, by almost anything. Because they are the most powerful already. People who are, powerful, get threatened easily, which leads to defensive, aggressive and unkind behaviour. People who aren’t threatened easily, the powerful, successful sort, don’t have to be.
Being open caring and friendly to begin with sort of backward induces you to be more confident through your self perception. You are more inclined to be a certain type of person, if your actions show that you are. This makes use of what psychologist call Self-Perception Theory. It asserts that individuals come to “know” their own attitudes, emotions, and other internal states partially by inferring them from observations of their own overt behaviour and/ or the circumstances in which this behaviour occurs. Refer to this journal for more information: Self Perception Theory
- Bem, D. J. (1967). Self-Perception: An Alternative Interpretation of Cognitive Dissonance Phenomena. Psychological Review, 74, 183-200.
I hope you guys have had a great Christmas and New Year’s break. So let’s move on. Forget the past, we can’t control that shit, seal it up like a plastic bag and let’s get on with it.Whatever your problems with your self-development, your romantic life, your girlfriend, your lack of a romantic life, let’s get it handled.